Relationships are built on the back of many pillars: companionship, emotional intimacy, physical touch, social partners, business, finances, investments, spirituality, values, etc.
The various relationships that make up our lives are a product of different combinations and permutations – yet our expectation of what a life partner should be and provide is ingrained deeply in our society and culture.
From finances to sex, our ideal life partner is made out of many “shoulds” instead of “coulds”.
“Shoulds” are a practical starting point for new relationships. Deviating too fast and far from the norm in the earlier days can be alienating; however, once trust and safety are fostered – try revisiting your default expectations to explore the relationship you “could” have.
HT: Conversation with Erin McCluskey and Brenton Zola
This is a complicated concept. As an individual committed to a monogamous relationship for over 20 years, the lines between could and should become blurry because we are all changing, always, as are our expectations not of others but of ourselves. I personally think the key isn’t weighing coulds and shoulds against one another so much as making an active commitment to give weight to “would” if we knew better when sh*t goes sideways. Re-evaluating your own and your partner’s actions in those sideways moments is make it or break it. Otherwise, on some level, you’re just being fickle, no?